The Dark Side of Healing

Are you obsessed with “self-improvement?”

Do you blame yourself when things don’t go the way you want i.e. “you manifested the experience”?

I was quite obsessed with healing for years, and I had a relentless need to improve. Having spent so much energy and time exploring ways to feel and be healthier, there was an internalised message in this drive to constantly “upgrade” my subconscious mind.

That message is: “I am not good enough as I am, as a point of attraction, to attract what I want.”

And, l thought that by doing enough “healing” work, “undesirable” events would not occur in my life.

I was trying to use shadow work to control my reality.

So, when I found out I was scammed by someone I trusted for years, my whole centre was rocked.

I felt betrayal, shame, anger, and frustration. And, I blamed myself, big time.

It didn’t matter how much healing and psychological work I’ve done previously, I lost my centre.

Adding to that, I got so tired of “healing” that I just wanted to give up. And I thought, f*ck all the healing work — if it all worked, why would I have “manifested” those experiences?

I felt like an immense failure. I couldn’t trust myself and what I was attracting. On top of that, my sympathetic system was triggered, and psychosomatically I got very sick.

Of course, my mind went into the automatic mode of using various modalities to figure out what went wrong, how to reprogram my subconscious mind, etc. I couldn’t sleep well, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I “attracted” the circumstance.

And, one day, as I was relaxing and meditating in the cold plunge, this hit me — I am enough as I am. What happened wasn’t my fault. I did not do anything wrong.

That was the lesson for me — to not blame myself when “undesirable” events happen. Sometimes, there maybe more to the situation that my mind may not be aware of.

Healing and shadow work can help us reprogram our subconscious mind, and hence attract “desirable” circumstances to our lives. However, engaging in this work doesn’t mean that “undesirable” events won’t happen in our lives; there’s still an element of the unknown.

And, living a conscious life doesn’t mean you won’t encounter problems, conflicts. Uncomfortable events do happen, and the most self-loving thing to do is to not blame ourselves.

We can still evolve, pursue healing and reprogram our beliefs from the space of curiosity and self compassion, whilst recognising that we are enough as we are.

This work can show us how to realign and get back into our centre when we are knocked off with more grace and ease, continue to move towards our desires, and still engage with the world in our power through expressing our needs and setting our boundaries.

If you’re interested in learning more about this work, click here, or connect with me via Instagram.

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Remember to check out my other articles on wellbeing here:

#1: How to Change Your Karma, Destiny & Future

#2: Be Present by Positively Embracing Your Negative Emotions

#3: How to Cultivate Self Love and Compassion

#4: How to be Present, Heal & Reprogram Your Subconscious

#5: A Simple Trick From a Zen Master Will Help You Sleep Better Tonight

#6: How to Reclaim Your Femininity, Open In Love + Be Vulnerable

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*Image by Freepik